I’m making this post for 2 reasons, to give a shout out to some good friends, and at the same time, offer a Gospel centered reality I am rediscovering…..again

This summer has not been a money making summer, but I have retained my lifestyle of hanging out with friends as much as possible, and using money to transport and connect with them. Now I personally do not like taking people’s money, and I do enjoy heavily being able to provide for people when and if I can, with no sort of “you need to pay me back mentality”. However because I myself am in need of money, rides, and other things to be with friends, I am placed in the situation where I am being provided for. I want to first take the time to truly thank Philip Yeung, Darson Darakananda, and Joe McNally. These three guys have been constantly spotting me, driving me, and extending themselves to me all summer, if I did not have these guys in my life, I would be having the lamest summer ever. And the best part of it is, THEY want to see me, hangout with me, bond with me, and that’s why they are willing to do all these things…it’s a great feeling of being made much of, and I thank you guys from the bottom of my heart, for supporting and helping me.

Unfortunately, after a few spots here, a few free meals there, add up to become A LOT of spots and free meals. This is the point where I start to feel bad and in my mind I’ve become just a life leeching friend who at any moment could become the bad guy of a conversation and everyone is all like “Dan never pays, he just takes takes takes”. This is when I start to take the resources around me and try to become self sustaining and pretend I don’t need their money and try to even pay for them once and awhile, but because I cannot even support myself the one time the I try to “pay them back” doesn’t not even quantify to the amount of times they have, and will continue to support me.

And I think this is very similar to how we treat Christ. After receiving the gift of salvation, the heaps of blessings, the freeness of mercy, and the timeless reliance on God’s grace, we try to become self-sufficient. We fall into the catalyst of religion and try to earn our Gospel. We try to do better without the help of God, become a “better person” without the “crutch” of God, so we can then present something back to Him, in some pseudo “pay-back” method. Truth is, you can’t….ever….  Don’t you know “You are not your own; you were bought at a price”? For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God,  and that all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. You can never do anything to pay back God for all that he has done for you, and will do for you. And you can never take too much that he will stop. You are a child of God, bought with the blood of Christ, the only payment required was already taken care of for you in full!

The Gospel story is a truth like no other, a reality so different from the one fed into our minds. It’s the good news that God loves us, and though we spat, mocked, and rejected his love He sent His beloved Son, to die in place for us. The Maker of the Universe, died in place for a person (You and I) who are not only unworthy, but could never pay him back. The Bible says in Isaiah 64:6 “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags; we all shrivel up like a leaf, and like the wind our sins sweep us away.  And no matter what we have to offer or show at the end of our lives, it is trumped by the work of Christ.

So stop trying to hard…stop working without the help of God, don’t try to become better for God, let God make you better.  Become obedient to grace, or to word it differently, submit yourselves to grace, submit yourselves to Christ.

Back to my buddies, thank you so much for taking care of me and showing me love, I want to let you know I am grateful and appreciative of the things you do for me. But rather thank you God for using my friends to show me a greater Gospel message, and the constant re-learning of profound truths that can be seen through life as we live it. And even more praise, honor, thanksgiving to You God, for all you have accomplished through your Son Jesus. 

An observation of the human condition- we are constantly dissatisfied.  As American citizens with equal rights, and freedoms that over half of the world cannot obtain, we live in a constant cycle of participating in fleeting pleasures and dissatisfactions. We spend billions of dollars on electronics, vacations, and things that comfort us. And if something seems bigger and better, you can bet your pretty penny we are dumb enough to consume it.  While the remaining population cannot even afford to feed their families or receive healthy water supply, we like to go to the extra mile and give in to self-pity in emotional moments. My points will be directed to the dissatisfied bunch of people who are probably reading this.

            It amazes me to see how much relationships matter to people. No doubt we get that from being the image bearers of a perfect relationship.  There are a great number of expectations for each category such as parent, spouse, friend, “best” friend, bf/gf. I am not gonna go into each one, because everyone has a different taste, different opinion, a different outlook. Instead I would like you to follow and try an exercise if you are going to bear with the duration of this post.

1)      List your expectations for any of the given categories

2)      Examine how much you complain about not having those expectations work out, and how much those people have hurt you.

3)      Now examine how much time, energy, and effort you put into that person who constantly hurts you.

4)      Now think about those people who actually treat you well, and match your expectations and who have done good by you.

5)      And lastly compare the amount of neglect and un-appreciation you give those who actually care and love you, while you spend all your energy pursuing something that in the end….is not good for you. And then you complain about how dissatisfied all your relationships are.

Maybe the exercise didn’t work for you, maybe your like…what are you talking about. Let me give you a few scenarios that reflect my exercise.

Girl confides in a guy about how much she loves guys who do X,Y, and Z. The guy has interest in girl, and in reality this guy has been doing X,Y, and Z. Instead girl goes off and pursues boy who has none of  X, Y, and Z but has a whole lot of B, A, and D. After realizing that though, girl comes back and complains how she can’t find the guy who has X,Y, and Z. (P.S this example is not to empower those who feel this situation applies to them, cause your probably B,A and D yourself)

A young man has loving parents. His parents however, do not let him do as he wants when he wants. He then compares his parents with his other friend’s parents, who are more lenient and carefree. This kid complains to other kids that he can’t do anything because his parents do not do anything for him, when in reality they are working as hard as they can to support him through life, at the cost of themselves.

Or perhaps you, you who complain about every little detail of your life, and when you do not get what you want, and your feelings and expectations are not met, you lash out, and complain and DOWNPLAY all that you already have. You put the object of want on the pedestal and you lower and depreciate that which you already have.

And most foolish of all:

You cry out to God more, more, and more because you are dissatisfied with the ultimate satisfaction found in the Him. And you yourself have echoed Romans 1:25

“Because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator”

My points and application.

1)      Acknowledge your sin to God and others and repent

2)      Start realizing the “good” things God has placed in your life, and start laboring and working and putting energy into those people and things but never making them the “ultimate” thing.  

3)      Acknowledge how dissatisfied you are with God, to complain about some of the petty things you complain about, especially when you have people constantly telling you all that God has done for you.(as if it meant nothing cause your circumstance is “different”)

4)      Take comfort knowing, that although this life is filled with some empty promises, moments, and even people, that those who believe the good news of Jesus Christ dying for the ungodly idolaters such as ourselves, are never left empty again…..unless you are already full of  yourself.

Philippians 4:11-13

I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. ¹²I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and  need. ¹³I can do all thing through him who strengthens me.

Just a thought that I had, and thought I might share. 

Sometimes when little things happen to you, we have the tendency to not call out for the help of God. We rely on our own problem solving skills and we rely on our own strength, and rarely do we call open the author of earth, space, and time to do what perhaps…. what we feel are lowly biddings. We throw our hands up “Don’t worry God I got this” We diminish the power that God has we attempt to empower ourselves and we continue about our days,weeks, or even months.

But sometimes, everything comes crashing down. All your barriers, the weak foundations you put up, and those you care about you are either no longer there, or they don’t know how to console you….and you feel utterly alone and helpless.

Finally, you turn to your Savior. You cry out “Lord, please save me” and you beg, you plead, you petition that a burden might be lifted from you. And honestly I found myself in this same cycle again.

However, my challenge to myself as well as a reader of this. Do not wait to call upon your Savior. Do not wait till the burdens of life become to much. Everyday call upon the grace and mercies of God. Everyday cry out and declare your dependence on Christ. Remind yourself daily, the Creator of the universe is ready to aid those who call upon his name. Don’t be like me, where I had to repent of my last minute dependency when everything came crashing down. Forget not All I have is Christ.

If anyone has seen or talked to me this week, and had the courtesy to ask me how I was doing, then they probably know my current emotional state. It’s not because my face gives me away, but rather my blunt answer of replying “I’m miserable”.  My Thanksgiving break was no break at all. I only visited my actual home once, and the rest of the week I was working and living out of my car, going from house to house to sleep over, that would fit my schedule. I was/am stressed with the sickness of a family member, the drama this has caused and my family being at each other necks, and the overall unrest I have had from my job, school work, and the adding worries and responsibilities of being a KCF leader. None of these things in and of themselves would stress me out if they stood alone, I happen to be pretty care free guy. However, the symphony of all these things working against my last nerve, made every little emotional poke and detail of this past week seem like a trauma to my very being. Trying to hold it all together, I spoke to my officers of how I felt, and expressed my heart. By God’s grace, they were very receiving and loving, and prayed over me and have been doing everything they can to lift my spirits, and for that I am grateful. Their prayers must have provoked God, because today was something I did not expect, but was everything I needed.  As I was struggling with everything, I took another emotional blow after KCF. Once again, being the carefree guy I am, I tried my best to let it roll off. Then I experienced the straw that broke the camel’s back…. I have no fear of letting you know, my cousin Phil is probably one of THE most precious people to me in my life, and with the same heart that I say that with I tell you he is not exactly the most sympathetic, and compassionate person to me (probably cause he thinks what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger).  But after all the stress of the week, and the last proverbial punch to my emotional well-being, I just…broke. The last thing I needed was the comments he was giving me; I needed to be loved, to be refreshed, renewed. I spoke in anguish and suffering to him and we got into a feud. The very person who I had trusted to uplift me and carry my burdens with me, turned out to not know my heart in that moment. I was crushed….Totally broken.   At the end of it all, I sat their silently, pondering what Gods bigger plan was. Upset with God, I expressed my feelings of neglect, and how I did not feel his loving arms around me. I don’t know if you ever watched Passion, but one of the moments that chokes me up the most, is when Christ falls from the lashes he has just received, and the Cross has become too much to bear. His Mother comes and tries to attend to him, pleading with her son to not go through what He must. And Christ looks into his mothers eyes and says this “See Mother, I make all things new”. He lifts the Cross, and continues onto toward Calvary Hill. Although that’s not scripturally what happened, the idea is biblically backed up. Christ making all things new. And as I sat there in my frustration, my suffering, my anger I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I picked up my phone I checked keywords to find that, the closest biblical quote is in Revelations 21:5 And he [Jesus] who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

            This verse was ringing in my heart, after sitting there awhile, Phil texted me and randomly said “Start Running”. For some reason this feeling of —I had to go meet God, I had to pour out myself to God, I needed to find solitude—came over me. I got in my car and I drove somewhere I felt God was asking me to meet him. It took 20 minutes to get there; I pulled up, and turned off my car. I sat, looking for words, and I asked God “Why here?” Then I started praying…first it was really nothing, I was holding back soft sobs while trying to organize my thoughts. Soon words began to find themselves, short sobs soon became full out crying. I had not cried like this since certain events transpired back in high school. Through it all it was a desperate plea to God to forgive me, acknowledging my weakness and fragile nature. I prayed for all the things that were truly on my heart, it was the most real I have been with God in months. The last thing I did was remind myself of the Gospel I cherish, and thank God for all he had done for me today. None of my circumstances changed, but God had utterly pierced my heart. The solitude to meet Him, the prayer, the sharp reminder of the Gospel, it was everything I needed…..and more. It was really the moment I got the quote “You will never know Christ is all you need, until Christ is all you have”. As I gathered myself, I gave thanks. I texted Phil back, and though neither of us apologized, we both knew we were sorry. We both acknowledged God’s will and plan, we spoke well of each other and reminded one another how much we cared for one another. I spent more time alone after that, just to re-collect myself but I could already feel God working. After making my way back to campus, I needed to write this out, I needed to blog it, I needed to share Gods grace in my life, and allow Him to receive glory and honor. I needed to remember the day I broke down, and how Christ met me where I was. I needed to remember this moment, as vivid as I am explaining it. Truth be told, I am not over all my circumstances, some of them are still there, and some will continue to be there. But God changed the perspective of my heart tonight, reminding me to be joyful in all circumstances, and embrace my trails, because I was reminded of the work done for me already through His Son. And as I finish this blog post, and lay my head down to rest, I can faintly hear the words of my Father in heaven………… “Behold my son, I make all things new”.

Well I have not written anything in awhile, not that anyone has been coming and asking me to post more, so I really did not feel a heavy obligation to write, however that does not mean God has not been good lately. I post this, in fact because God has been so giving lately, and I am very busy! And at the end of every day, I am extremely thankful. The main topic I want to remind myself (when I look back on this) and to those of you who read, is your level of thankfulness.

Unlike the boring Dan that sits around and does nothing all the time, this Summer has turned out quite different. The things I am about to list I am sincerely and genuinely thankful to God for, for He has given me a season rich in blessings.  I have not one, but TWO jobs. I am in no way making a lot of money, because the first job is closer to volunteer work for the pay, and the second job I make a lot, but I have few hours. So basically it balances out, to a normal salary. However, I very much enjoy working at both, and making money and being a good steward of the money I have received. This leads me to my next thankful thing, which is my new car. It is nothing fancy, but man o’ man have I been waiting to be liberated so that I can actual own and pay off, and drive around my very own first car. It is quite the privilege and really fun, because I actually enjoy driving. Next I am very thankful for my new re-location to North-Shore Baptist Church, it is rejuvenating and effortless to sit there on a Sunday and hear the Word of God preached. So if anyone of you North Shore Baptist people read this, thank you for making me feel very welcome, and thank you Pastor Ed. Haha. Next I am very grateful to my grandparents. Since my two new jobs, are far from my home I have been residing with my grandparents, who have been nothing but hospitable and make my stay here easy, comforting, and worthwhile. I have had many opportunities to share the Gospel with them, and although they are set in their ways, they are very appreciative of my effort, speech and conduct. So not only am I thankful to God for them, but it’s a joy.  I am also very thankful for my officers and E-Board of KCF. Getting to know them more and their heart for KCF is getting to be a real great experience, and I must say I am regretful at night, when I think about all the time I do not spend time with them. There are many other things that I am thankful for, but these are the ones that have probably kept you interested thus far to continue reading.

Of course, if your reading all this by now… your saying, well Dan that’s nice and all, but no one really gives a rip about all those things….they are only important to YOU! So I want to finish and tie my last two thanksgivings together with the Gospel, along with the reason I am so thankful for everything I have listed. Something I have become very thankful for recently and extremely overwhelmed with Joy, is working at my first job at VBS. I can’t express how much pleasure it brings me, to watch kids. I can’t even begin to tell you how much more joyful and honor it gives me, to also preach the Gospel to them. There is something heartfelt and deeply enjoyable, about watching a student or child, begin to understand and comprehend the mysteries of Jesus, just because you took the time and effort to speak it to them, in a way they can understand.  In the gospels Jesus said “ Let the children come to me, do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these “And  I have been given the opportunity to participate and witness to them Jesus every day. I believe sometimes we think little children can’t understand and grab the concepts of who God is, just because we think they are not cognitively ready…but to allow that to stop us from preaching the good news, I think is a great hindrance. We should never let our earthly assumptions override the majesty and power of the promises God gives through his Son, by the work of the Holy Spirit . And I have been able to watch my students understand and grab onto mature thoughts about who God is, not by my doing, but the movement of the Holy Spirit, and they do not even realize it.

I am even more thankful for the Gospel of my Lord, the second member of the Trinity –Christ—who came and died for a sinner like me. Through all my wickedness and deceit, folly, and disobedience God still choose to pursue and love me, and offered life and salvation to me. If that sounds clique to you, and does not stir in your heart to be thankful to God, I would say that you do not know Him. Because this knowledge…has forever changed my life. Thank you God.

Jeremiah 17:9

The heart is deceitful above all things,
   and desperately sick;
   who can understand it?

            This post is more of a reminder and a rebuke to myself than it is to encourage anyone who might read it.  When I think about my sin, or the moments when I choose to sin, in that moment what I am actually saying, is “Jesus I would rather give in to this lie, gossip, folly, disobedience, lust, passion, idol, cowardice (fill in the list) than to honor, love and obey you”. In that moment, “Jesus I could live with the thought of you being crucified over the very thing I know I should not do…right now as I do it.” We say “OH JESUS you are my SAVIOR, but….but…. not in this moment….this sin….this sin will be my momentary savior…. We (myself) imply in that moment…”Jesus I would rather have [this] than to have You… There is something wrong…terribly wrong with my heart.

 I sin so effortlessly at times, and when the sin is done, or when the consequence has manifested itself, that is when I come crying to God… Yes, God forgives, Yes, God understands, Yes, God loves, Yes, God overlooks the offense. (If you repent) But then why do I still feel so torn?  I’ll be raw, I have and am dealing with things like pornography, lust, excessive flirting, my course joking, my cursing, my appearance, the way I want to be perceived. All these things challenge me on a day to day basis, and my heart is simply not broken enough over them. Sure victories might come, and habits might change, there is a slight difference for a time. But when I really think about it, when I really sit and think about my past….a part of my sinful nature is still here with me… I really do NOT want momentary victories, or for a certain time a habit change, or for a little while I stop one of these things… I WANT RADICAL CHANGE….I want Jesus. I need Him. I want and need MORE of Him.  I want to hate my sin evermore, I want to kill it in that moment, I want people to see a change in me, and KNOW, that it was by the grace, patience, and work of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, not my own. I want to minister with my life.  The Bible says in Ezekiel 36:26 -And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

            I have a great confidence that God has put in me a new heart and new spirit, one that is conforming to the image of His Son, and that the work of the Holy Spirit is effectively moving me by His grace. God captures the heart of us, when we are saved. But he sanctifies at the rate that is in accordance with His timing and will. However when I read Colossians 1:10- And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God. Or when I read James 2:20- Do you want to be shown, you foolish person, that faith apart from works is useless?

Or perhaps the one that grabs me most by my proverbial heart Philippians 2:12- Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling. When I read this, I know the fault is within me, and I have to WORK at it. 

I am not witnessing to you, a doctrine other than that of grace. Faith in Jesus Christ is the only way you will ever be saved and changed. Nothing you could do or work at can save you. It is by His sovereign will that you are saved.  However,  there is a very real choice into whether or not to obey God and to work with the sanctification process of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 4:30). My rebuke to myself is simply as well as profoundly, to stop living the lukewarm Christian life, and to be totally captured, caught up, changed by, the living God, our Lord Christ Jesus. Because change without Christ, is just a well-written behavior modifying self-help lesson. Jesus saves, Jesus transforms, it is by grace you have been saved, and it is by His truth we are redeemed.

I ask and invite you to join the pursuit of Jesus, to really keep me accountable, as I know some friends will read this, and to pray with me and for me, as we run the race that has been set out before us

2 Corinthians 5:17- Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Start living it.